are you tired of hollywood owning your cunt?
do you long to be liberated and independent?
its going to be alright

1. start an ok cupid account
upload one picture of yourself where you’re wearing tons of make-up and look kind of pretty, label it “best”
upload another picture of yourself where you look fat and a little greasy, label it “worst”
don’t write anything else about yourself

2. if anyone contacts you
pick a place and tell them to meet you at noon
tell them to sit by the window and that you’ll be wearing a yellow dress
at 12:05 arrive wearing a ski mask and take a picture of the man in the window
send this photo to me with one payment of 9.99 
I’ll turn it into a t-shirt and send it back to you

3. never take this t-shirt off